Initially, I had planned to continue on a path of making emo/pop punk music before writing Hi Anxious. I was in a band called Charlie Horse and it was the happiest I'd ever been. I just loved the idea of each song being an absolute gut punch of energy. I had written a few songs with that in mind and this was one of them.
The song revolves around the idea that you are controlled and influenced by your own guilt/dark past, which I refer to as ghosts in this song. The theme is that if you let the past dictate your life, you're going to go insane and "explode".
lyrics
Say goodbye to stability
My body is a temple
But I'm not the owner anymore
I am only but a vessel
For the ghosts I created years before
I'm just a haunted home
My walls are cold as ice
I know I've got good bones
But every single night
I play the gracious ghost
To all the souls that I
Can't seem to just let go
So they are locked inside
Say goodbye to stability
To make room for your hostility
Because you lack the ability
To nurture your fragility
When will I realize these walls can't contain all my past crimes
Flooding my brain with the bad times
For which I am to blame
I can't keep it under control
I think I'm about to explode
I've got a kintsugi mind
All put together but my flaws are the highlight
Some call it art but mine looks like a poorly made collage of miserable times
I've made my home in the dirt
I've dug my head in the sand
Think of the people I've hurt
But I'm here without a plan
To make amends for anything
I'm just hoping that karma has something in mind for me
Say goodbye to stability
To make room for your hostility
Because you lack the ability
To nurture your fragility
When will I realize these walls can't contain all my past crimes
Flooding my brain with the bad times
For which I am to blame
I can't keep it under control
I think I'm about to explode
Can't say I'm sorry
But I can feel it
I hope it scars me
So I can feel it
When will I realize these walls can't contain all my past crimes
Flooding my brain with the bad times
For which I am to blame
I can't keep it under control
I think I'm about to explode
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