1. |
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I feel like those friends in my head are gone
I feel like everyone but me has moved on
I'm stuck in a rut
And it's time to grow up
Cause I'm way too old for teenage angst
I think I'm gonna hang it up
And stop giving a fuck
Cause I'm the only one still causing me pain
And maybe by the end of all of this
I'll be the only one around still listening
And that's why this is even happening.
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2. |
Hail Mary
03:13
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I don't want to die but there are certain things inside of me
that keep me from what I could be, they're riddled with toxicity
And I don't want to lie, but these small things just make me hate myself,
I feel compelled to ask for help, cause my heads become a prison cell
And I need to kill the little parts of me
the make believe enemies
that convinced me there's no remedy
And I need to eliminate the negative thoughts that live deep within my brain that make me question if
Fighting is worth it
Am I really better off?
Trying to be perfect
While I'm covered up in flaws
So here we go a hail Mary for the ages
Will I survive the war I'm waging?
I'm not saying I'll be perfect every day
But if make it out alive, maybe I'll want to stay that way
I don't always cry, but there are certain days that I'm a mess
I'm depressed and I confess that I suppress the hopelessness
I'd throw these thoughts aside, but in my blood there is a sedative
that makes me hypersensitive and afraid to face my narrative
Cause I'm not a fan of the story yet,
Let me know when it stops being sad and it gets glorious
Cause I think I've got some better things to do
Like licking wounds, but what's the use, if I know I'm gonna lose?
Is trying even worth it?
Am I really better off?
How can I be certain
That I won't be written off?
So here we go a hail Mary for the ages
Will I survive the war I'm waging?
I'm not saying I'll be perfect every day
But if make it out alive, maybe I'll want to stay that way
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3. |
Penny Trading
03:37
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Say goodbye to stability
My body is a temple
But I'm not the owner anymore
I am only but a vessel
For the ghosts I created years before
I'm just a haunted home
My walls are cold as ice
I know I've got good bones
But every single night
I play the gracious ghost
To all the souls that I
Can't seem to just let go
So they are locked inside
Say goodbye to stability
To make room for your hostility
Because you lack the ability
To nurture your fragility
When will I realize these walls can't contain all my past crimes
Flooding my brain with the bad times
For which I am to blame
I can't keep it under control
I think I'm about to explode
I've got a kintsugi mind
All put together but my flaws are the highlight
Some call it art but mine looks like a poorly made collage of miserable times
I've made my home in the dirt
I've dug my head in the sand
Think of the people I've hurt
But I'm here without a plan
To make amends for anything
I'm just hoping that karma has something in mind for me
Say goodbye to stability
To make room for your hostility
Because you lack the ability
To nurture your fragility
When will I realize these walls can't contain all my past crimes
Flooding my brain with the bad times
For which I am to blame
I can't keep it under control
I think I'm about to explode
Can't say I'm sorry
But I can feel it
I hope it scars me
So I can feel it
When will I realize these walls can't contain all my past crimes
Flooding my brain with the bad times
For which I am to blame
I can't keep it under control
I think I'm about to explode
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4. |
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Written by: Jake Drew
What would you think of me
If you thought of me
What would you see if there was something that you saw In me
Who would It be if there could be a someone else? (Let shine some light up on it)
I got some bags left to unpack
I just got back from another state of mind
Lets shine some light up on it
A new dawn is upon us
Don't stop the sky from falling now, I want my head in the clouds
Get way too high to stand my ground, too far to turn me around
I don't wanna understand the games we play Simon says play anyway, So
Oh no I've let my guard down
Go on and rip my heart out
What would you think of me
If you thought of me
What would you see if there was something that you saw In me
Who would It be if there could be a someone else? (Let shine some light up on it)
I got some bags I've yet to pack
I'm going back to another state of mind
Let's shed some light upon it
A new dawn is upon us
Don't stop the sky from falling now, I want my head in the clouds
Get way too high to stand my ground, too far to turn me around
I don't wanna understand the games we play Simon says play anyway, So
Oh no I've let my guard down
Go on and rip my heart out
Don't stop the sky from falling, hold my hand and let's go all in
There's a new dawn upon us
Let's go back to where we started
Don't stop the sky from falling now, I want my head in the clouds
Get way too high to stand my ground, too far to turn me around
I don't wanna understand the games we play Simon says play anyway, So
Oh no I've let my guard down
Go on and rip my heart out
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5. |
See You Later, Crocodile
03:32
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Go on, you deserve a vacation from yourself
and everyone else around
So long, to a bad situation
It's been hell to keep your feet on the ground
Life's got a way of cracking your foundation
when you finally got your roof figured out
Ain't it funny when they ask you what's wrong
And you don't know what you're so upset about?
Pick yourself up
You're gonna make it
Long enough to figure out you hate this
Give up on those dreams, but still live your life
Messy makeup
Why you crying?
You feel fucked enough to start lying?
Cause they won't like the truth, so make an alibi
They said this shouldn't last forever
They said it's probably just a phase
But what if it's all you've ever known
They said that soon you'll feel much better
So put a smile on that face
And pretend that you don't feel so damn alone
I've spent the past four nights hoping
That I get this under control
I try to keep this closed mind open
But I don't want to let in the cold
I've been watching the crack in my psyche
Grow more and more every day
So wide open, the world creeps inside me
And needless to say, its afraid
I don't need anything, I'm fine
Maybe just some energy, I'm dying
To know my purpose, why does this hurt
its been eating me inside
I've been watching the crack in my psyche
Grow more and more every day
So wide open, the world creeps inside me
And needless to say, its afraid
That it just might understand me
It's scared to think we're the same
Fucked and broken, the world and myself
If it falls apart than we'll be to blame
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6. |
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Separation anxiety
From a stable psyche
In the dirt where I broke
Sucking gravel and choked
On the fact I'm done growing
have nothing to show of
The man I've become
I think I fucked this up, oh my god
And I just can't believe it
My whole life has come and gone
In my head I'm screaming
I just want it to stop
I don't think that I can take
Another cloudy day cause really
I've been waiting so long
To feel the heat of the sun
On my face, so please before I break
Can I try being happy for once
Or has the damage been done? Am I too late?
These nightmares were daydreams
Before I got lazy
And let myself hurt
Now I picture the worst
Possible outcomes
Each time that I think of
How my life could be
What's wrong with me, oh my god
Please, believe I'm trying
But every time I get hope, I'm let down
By now there's no denying
I might need help on this one
I don't think that I can take
Another cloudy day cause really
I've been waiting so long
To feel the heat of the sun
On my face, so please before I break
Can I try being happy for once
Or has the damage been done?
Is it too late for me to worry about
Fixing all of this
Cause I can't get the words to say out my mouth
They're too big to fit
My old friends haven't been around
For quite a bit
So If I have a nervous breakdown
No one will give a shit
I don't think that I can take
Another cloudy day cause really
I've been waiting so long
To feel the heat of the sun
On my face, so please before I break
Can I try being happy for once
Or has the damage been done? Am I too late?
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7. |
Perkis Power
04:15
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I can feel the blood run through my veins
In a hurry, like it's trying to get away
And maybe it'll finally find the exit
It spends every single day
Watching all the thoughts inside my brain
Needless to say, it's getting desperate
I can my feel temperature rising
And I can't describe it
And I'm not so sure of what to do
By now, there's no point in hiding
That this might get violent
So give me some space and make some room
I think I'm gonna finally lose it now
I'm heating up and I can't calm down
I wanna hurt something til I feel good again
So it's best if you don't stick around
I wanna hurt something til I feel good again
So it's best if you don't stick around
If I hear the words "deep breathe" again
It'll be the last one you breathe in
I know, you're just trying to help
But if it worked, do you really think
I'd be watching my blood spin round the sink?
Thank you so much, go fuck yourself
I can feel my hands, they are trembling
And the silence is deafening
This ringing in my ears is killing me
They offer solutions that helped them
But I can't stop imagining
Caving in every single one of their teeth
I think I'm gonna finally lose it now
I'm heating up and I can't calm down
I wanna hurt something til I feel good again
So it's best if you don't stick around
I wanna hurt something til I feel good again
So it's best if you don't stick around
I wanna be better
I wanna be better then this
But I don't think I'll ever
Relieve the pressure I'm in
I wanna be better
I've gotta get better at this
Got red in my ledger
making my head hurt
I don't think I'm gonna make it
I wanna hurt something til I feel good again
So it's best if you don't stick around
I think I'm gonna finally lose it now
I'm heating up and I can't calm down
I wanna hurt something til I feel good again
So it's best if you don't stick around
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8. |
Older Now
03:50
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In all my life, I never thought I would see it:
The day that I'm exhausted just from simply being.
My bones are feeling brittle along with my mind
And I can't help but feel like I'm on borrowed time
Oh no
I think I'm losing it
Oh no
My screws are loosening
But don't pull the plug just yet
Cause I'm not finished being messed up by the stress of feeling like I'm
Older now, haven't grown in to my wisdom
Broken down and no longer worth a fix
And I'm sober now that I've got reasons to be drinking
but I guess I'll get over it
All my favorite stars are so much younger than me
And really, good for them, but fuck them seriously
Maybe I'm just bitter, they say it happens with age
But who am I kidding, it's just jealous rage
Oh my god
I wasn't ready for it
Oh my god
Wish I was still just a kid
But now I've got
Bills to pay and the people I owe don't give a shit cause they know that I am
Older now, haven't grown in to my wisdom
Broken down and no longer worth a fix
And I'm sober now that I've got reasons to be drinking
but I guess I'll get over it
Older now
And not sure If I can do it
Older now
Had these dreams and then I blew it
Older now
Have I even made a difference?
the end of it all doesn't seem so distant
Older now, haven't grown in to my wisdom
Broken down and no longer worth a fix
And I'm sober now that I've got reasons to be drinking
but I guess I'll get over it
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9. |
Best I've Ever Been
03:56
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We were face to face
With the end of times
So we sheltered how we felt
And locked ourselves inside
Everything has changed
We're living different lives
But the truth remains;
I'm not alright
I can't say I'm not happy
Can't say I'm not the best that I have ever been
But I still feel like collapsing, pulling my heart from my chest
And begging for the end
And still that's the best I've ever been
I felt like I was able
To take on anything
But the world turned it's tables
And now I'm face down in the ring
The walls that surround me
Don't have pleasantries to spare
they know everything about me
And still don't want me there
I can't say I'm not happy
Can't say I'm not the best that I have ever been
But I still feel like collapsing, pulling my heart from my chest
And begging for the end
And still that's the best I've ever been
cause I have struggled
All my life
Trying to find the greener grass
That they say grows on the other side
But my world crumbled
When it started feeling fine
And I'm now I'm by myself
And I'm the only person I don't like
I can't say I'm not happy
Can't say I'm not the best that I have ever been
But I still feel like collapsing, pulling my heart from my chest
And begging for the end
cause it's the best I've ever been
Cause it's so hard to be happy
So hard to feel blessed
As you watch the things you love around you fall to pieces like the rest
World, you almost had me
Believing I could win
You must be so fucking happy
Knowing this is the best I've ever been
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