I've been trying to find a way to tell you But I'm scared that I'll just let you down But I'm finally grown and I think I can own up now A few years back, I fell in love with somebody We built a home, and have a daughter now Almost everything changed, in the best kind of way for me You were there my whole life when I felt alone But now, I think it may be time to finally let you go Through the heartache and the nights we stayed up Trying to figure one another out I was fragile and scared, but you showed me you cared all along In that parking lot that you were born in We created such amazing things We both wanted to grow, and I went off on my own without you I've been on my own for far too long To not know you never wanted me to be strong if I'm honest, I don't think I'm there yet I've been struggling to make this call But it's coming and we both know it Let's take one last ride down misery lane and shed our hurting before we say goodbye and inevitably close the curtain

I apologize for my appearance Not the way I look, just my mere existence I've been out of this mindset for far too long And it's about damn time For a perfect storm A cluster fuck of bitter luck Internal war Is raging in my body All I do is fight When depression is a hobby Something isn't right It's not like I wanna be like this I have dreams of the future too Maybe its just a bad habit I'm a glutton for self abuse I can't fight it I won't survive it My worries gather like a fucking intervention I'm trying Not to get violent But the knife I'm holding wants to cut the tension Not all who wander are lost Maybe they just hate what they found And they won't ever stop Until the day we put them in the ground I'm sorry for my incoherence I'm just trying to make sense of life, but I fear that I've come too far, it's too late to right my wrongs Cause I believed the lies I told myself Fabricated medication But it didn't help Cause I'm beaten to a pulp Spitting teeth in the sink And my blood is ice cold So im beginning to think Maybe I really wanna be like this Does my heart look better bruised? Am I Too late or can this still be fixed? Am I even in a place to choose? I'm trying not to hide it But this side of me is scarred and ugly I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss Thinking I could still be lucky I can't describe it But ive decided I'll keep that feeling locked away Inside me I won't disguise it Or redesign it Cause it's time to put the past behind me

You won't believe how hard it has become to breathe These past few years haven't been kind to me Arms out the window, doing 80 in a 55 My eyes are dead, but my head's never felt more alive Life outside isn't at all like I thought it would be It isn't fair, it doesn't care if your heart wants to beat The rain soaked pavement whispers "man, you're gonna okay" Hard to believe it, I've been bleeding out since yesterday Believe me, I need this To feel better Whoever said this night drive can't last forever Pour some road In front of me, I need to be alone I need some time, I need to think, turn off the radio I'm in pain and don't know why, something's wrong with me Please don't say that I'll be fine, just give me the keys For a moment I felt like I had gotten away I escaped chaotic fate, ready for a brand new day But eventually reality always has to have a say It reared its ugly head to remind me this high will fade I wanna jump jump jump, but no one's cheering me on Have I reached the unequivocal pinnacle of what could go wrong The stars all look on me with fear in their eyes As if they're all aware that tonight might be the last time I'm sorry, I need this 'Til I find something better Cause my head is in a constant state of gloomy weather 95, with teary eyes, I feel so torn apart But tonight, I think this drive gave me a change of heart Maybe I can find the strength inside I need to cope Leave the light on cause I think I'm finally coming home

Okay, maybe I went too far this time I could dial it back a bit Cause I put too much on the line Not sure I wanna let you handle it I'm chock full of mistakes Things I did just for the buzz But don't tell me to take a break Cause I was fine just where I was If I let it control me, then what was the point Of fixing the old me, I'm without a voice Cause everyone has to learn how to heal My methods are bad but I like how it feels I can feel that hell fire burning Left with scars, but I have earned them Its an unorthodox way to stop the pain But if I stop, you'll know I'm not the same and Frankly, I don't want to change, even if it's for the better Okay, maybe my head isn't right I could learn a thing or two From getting sleep for a night And sure, I'd love to But when my body lies dormant My brain runs the show I try to ignore it But I'm dying to know What sick shit makes my head split and makes me forget that I can get through this I'm restless, with slit wrists and clenched fists This wretched abuse just feels ruthless And I know that if I wake up My throbbing head will be stuck Focusing on everything in my dreams So I fake relief, that's why I sing Maybe I could benefit a bit from changing how I'm getting over shit But if ain't broken, no point in fixing it

In a puddle of my own jagged pieces I'm begging any old fool to help me out Lost myself in a cyclone of mental diseases Now I can't tell my ups from downs Cause baby I'm broken So broken I am nothing but a bag of bones Cause baby I'm broken And you know it Can you gather my fragments and carry me home? I can't see the colors that you keep describing Although I think I might have seen them before I started to suffer, now I'm just a withering rose Watch my petals just seize up and fall to the floor and then toss me when I'm not beautiful no more Down on the floor and I'm feeling so broken I could use your help right now I'm in pieces, I'm broken I'm fucking torn apart limb from limb cause I'm broken

Such a beautiful day but that bad goodnight Is the only thing that's on your mind and you can't handle this Such a pitiful way to say goodbye But when you found me, you lost your mind We both knew it'd come to this I love, you hurt I get on your nerves Being around me is like pulling teeth, I know I try to fix things, make it worse Not what you deserve But you're the cure to my disease and so I'm sorry for the way that I am Try to be better, but you know that I cant I got the luck and the heart of an all black cat scan, bad man living like a trash can Don't wanna bring you down But a dark cloud hovers above us whenever I'm around Hate to be the pessimist But I'm the best at it and you know I'm right You're the protagonist And I'm the catalyst to your demise Cause no matter how far you run, I'll still be around Ready and waiting to bring your world crumbling down What a wonderful way to end a life Maybe now you'll actually be alright But darling, don't hold your breath Maybe grab a drink, before you go to sleep And tune out all those bumps in the night Keep saying that it's all in your head I'm gone, you say So why won't I go away I'm still roaming these halls and haunting your dreams It's all wrong, you pray That these thoughts will soon fade Hear my voice in the walls, as I silently scream In your head, holding on like a vice grip Crawling through your brain, maybe we can take a nice trip Do you got the strength that it takes to let your mind slip, eyes flip just in time to see a mental crisis and I wish I could leave But you put me here, and it is clear that you are bereaved Cast me out or get torn apart Make you struggle in the rubble of a broken heart You hurt yourself thinking I can change But the only thing I'm good for is causing pain

Hey its me again, I'm just checking in Thought I'd take some time to tell you what's been happening Cause I haven't been okay lately And you can't even call to say you fucking hate me Oh yeah I'm pissed off Feel ripped off, cause I've called A thousand fucking times, getting friendly with an inbox But I'm done So you can run away from Me and every other thing you're too afraid to confront Anyways, It kills me that you'll never the person that I knew way back. But the part that makes me feel so sad, is that person I knew was just as bad. You always meant the world to me, I was only kept around to make ends meet And I never meant a thing to you, You've got a dozen missed calls if you need the proof, so fuck it You're pathetic but still somehow so bad at it A silent cry for help, so miserably inadequate I can't fix you, so maybe I'll just let you go But if this reaches you, either call me back or don't Hey its me again You know, from way back when Thought I'd call to let you know that I'm so sick of this Why do I pretend that you can change I think I'd be surprised if you still knew my name I fucking hate you I was prey to the way you manipulated everyone To get over all that plagues you And I tried to stand by your side But I refuse to brandish battle scars cause you're not willing to fight When you're sitting in the dark, so cold All alone, wondering how you lost control I hope you ponder on the days of old And you think about all the precious time you stole I don't think I can do this again, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not in need of a friend That's all I really needed back when You were around, but you'd just let me down all over again, so fuck it Hey its me again Do you remember when You were breaking right in front of me, I took you in And I took care of you, covered up your bruise So the world would never know it got the best of you Well guess what my friend I still remember it And now I'm calling you to tell you that I'm giving in I've been giving up on everything I love And that's including you, you've proven I'm not good enough I've been staring down a barrel, at a terrible fate And you can't muster up the fucking time to say it's okay I hope you find a new life in all your fucking wreckage But for now, I'm fucking done and it is end of message

Mr. Hangman, why you swinging so low? Did you really think this night wouldn't end? Did you forget to make plans for tomorrow? Or did you tie that knot too tight round your neck? Well if I'm being honest This life in cobwebs was worth all the misery And I'd do it all again But I've felt so despondent I felt this constant need to make sure I could bleed Turns out I can Dearly beloved It appears this shows gone way over budget And I don't have it in me To give the blood that you need So you're free to leave, just like you wanted Mrs. Widow, did you manage to fix that broken heart? Cause when I met you, we were one in the same We were so young, flaunting our scars Shaped like smiles in the face of our pain I could tell you that I've got this or say I'm making progress, but we all know it's a lie I'm no better than I used to be But every time I lost it Found the line and crossed it, the only broken heart was mine And I've gained some clarity I know you're in my head, know you don't exist But you're the reason why I never drained my wrists I've never said it so directly, but I used to want to die I danced with my demons at the ball and the graveyard And it taught me how to cope when I was falling apart Goodnight Heartbreakers, I'll see you on the other side

Let me go on record, I never planned To grow old and become a whole new man I fully intended to keep pretending That it was part of some bigger plan I've got two kids, but only one to feed Cause the others full of lyrics I should never sing But I know if I want to grow, I need to let that child go Maybe they'll stay in contact Maybe they'll stop off at home Maybe they'll sit and talk with me When I hit a brand new low Cause I know we'll stay connected I'll look on proudly from afar But even though it's for the best it Still hurts so fucking hard I'm trying my best not to cry Cause I'm bad at hello, but even worse with goodbyes it's for the best, I'm just not feeling it yet But if anyone asks, I'm alright I could've pulled my own plug, but they wouldn't let me If they had, I wonder who would just forget me It's surprising how bad it really got But now, I feel like a whole new person Learned to cope in times when I wasn't certain If I could make the horror show stop Maybe I'll feel better Maybe I'll regret giving up the only thing That treats my aching head But I know I have to try to do this on my own What's the point of living life if you can't be yourself at home?

I would give it all just to be one of those demons That watch me while I sleep and laugh when I'm bleeding I'd like to laugh at trauma too I'd sell my soul if it meant a new body One that doesn't spend every single night sobbing I want to escape this self abuse I could go on and on But the moral of the story is I'd give anything If it meant I don't have to be myself And if I'm gone You'll wake up in the morning feeling better and the funny thing is you'll have no one here to help I can't help but think that I'd feel better if I wasn't me, so I've been trying to find a way to change, but I can't breakthrough The shell of misery I wrapped around myself to keep the peace You better hope I don't find a way through, cause Ill fill you up with hate too Ghosts roaming halls, you don't notice that they pass by Never worried bout the bloody hands from their past lives There's a bit of green entering my eyes Feral beasts in the streets, and they're starving Never stressing over how much their broken heart beats A life without feeling is a life that I'd survive If I could move on From feeling like a burden and hurting everyone I love I would give up everything I am I have waited so long For the tides of change to lift me up and wash my hands of all this blood But I'm stuck waiting in the sand If I could trade places with one of those faces staring back at me while I lay awake I wouldn't feel the need to break down again And if I wasn't full of fear, I could stand to be here living out my life without feeling like I bleed tears And I wouldn't be so fucked up in the head

I woke up with tears in my eyes A shade of pale too normal felt different this time My head cast me in a movie, and my character died It's a role I've portrayed often, but these are brand new lines and I Hate that I was comfortable ending my life Can't stand that I was okay leaving everybody behind I think there's something wrong with my mind I sat in the dark, wondering what it could mean Cause I feel like my heart is giving up on me I should be scared, like I've always been But something within me says it's time to give in Hate that I was comfortable ending my life Can't stand that I was okay leaving everybody behind What's it say about me that I was fine To let my child go without me, hold her mother while they cry every night I used to fear the end, now I'm scared of welcoming it Cause death is always at the door, and I've stopped myself from letting him in He wants to take the precious things that I have left But he's gonna have to wait, cause I'm not ready yet and I'm scared to death

Not a day goes by That I don't think of my Fabricated friends of mine That keep my sweet dreams occupied But as you know, it might be time to finally let them go They said I had a whole life To sing about but I Have reached the point of getting old And now that my whole story's told The darkness doesn't have a hold like it did so long ago Enemies and friends alike It's time for me to say goodbye You taught me how to kill with kindness To distract from just how deep this knife is The world set out to break me down And you were the only ones who stuck around to Build me into something new All I am, I owe to you Enemies rattling my cage Became part of my day to day routine I haven't felt the sting so now I'm wondering If they're still part of me cause I don't want them to leave Here's been gone for a couple years But I stopped shedding all my tears I found a family to love entirely And built a home where the spiders can't find me Those demons in my heart Failed to break me down Attempts to tear me apart We're silenced by the sound Cause you believed in me The voice inside my head I owe my life to you My imaginary friend

I'm glad you got what you need I'm happy that you got it all figured out But my friend, you forgot about me If you're gone, tell me what I'm supposed to do now Do you remember that night in the parking lot that I was born in In shambles, I gave you a reason to fight You said nothing would ever be more important Than making all your dreams come to life Now I'm thinking you lied (Your point is valid, I can't deny it But I don't think you're listening things are not what they seem I tried to fight this, overwhelming silence But I never gave up on my dreams Cause they're the ones that left me) So that's it, you're just gonna wave a white flag Surrender all the nights you'll never get back I'm disappointed in you How you gonna feel knowing you gave up On the only fucking thing that ever showed you love? Does it only matter when it happens to you? Cause if you're leaving, you know I can't come too I'll be in the dark, crying just like you The only difference is I won't have a friend And if you need me, I can't be there You'll be broken again, all alone and scared With your ironic fear of abandonment (That's the point that I'm trying to make, I've grown Enough to say that I'll be okay But you make me go to a darker place When your thoughts are consumed by the utter chaos You might enjoy the ride, but its time to get off Even if it doesn't leave a smile on your face) I think I understand, but I don't know If I'll be okay with nowhere to go Can't help but feel responsible For holding you back so long, but I hope You wake up one day, and forget you need me Hug your family, and take pride in yourself Before you remember you were screaming About slitting wrists from anxiety Don't forget you had a friend like me Just don't forget me (I couldn't if I tried) Find your happy ending (you know you'll be on my mind) I'll miss you so much (you know I'll miss you too) If things feel hopeless (that's right, I'll remember you)

Feels like I'm wearing new skin, darkness isn't getting in and honestly it feels so good I'm lying in a casket and I don't want to jinx it, so while I'm here I'll knock on wood Shit hit the fan, but this time feels different I'm a better man, but now I'm not so ignorant Why'd it take so long for me to understand? 5 things to see, 4 things to touch But when I got to 3, I wasn't breathing much 2 things to smell, 1 thing to taste But even still, I never felt okay I'm popping pills, cause they said it'd help Now my wellbeing's on a bathroom shelf But I don't think I'll escape this hell Unless I find a way to do it all myself If I just breathe a little, everything will be alright And if I sleep, my head will finally feel peace tonight I'm just not used to feeling this; hope for something different So if I seem a little off, it's just my first time feeling like I'll survive I don't know what's coming over me, but now when I try going to sleep I don't feel the demons there I'm not dreaming much of anything, that's fine compared to everything living in my nightmares Serotonin nice to meet you, come on in I know you're not from here, but you're a perfect fit Without further adieu, let's all get started Tried therapy, but all due respect With 1 hour a week, how do you expect To fix the issues in my head? "Here's some tissue, now cash or check?" It's just not for me, but if it helps you I'll support your escape from hell too But I have found a different method To calm me when I feel it set in I haven't adjusted to this yet But I think its in my best interests to see where it takes me Fixing myself has been the main focus And everything I've tried left me so broken, I think I want to be happy

Never planned on making it this far But you made me think twice Never thought that it would be this hard But I'll be okay, if I keep taking your advice Busy hosting a breakup party But you find the time to waste your wisdom on me how Do you have the energy to build me up You got a way to make me think my life's just starting We can take on anything, we're a two man army now Thank you for never letting me give this up You're the reason I get to say goodbye You're the reason I get to live my life Without wondering what could've been I could go on and on You're the reason that I just might survive You're the reason that hope sits on my mind If it weren't for you I'd be dead and gone Never thought I'd have a friend like you To keep my head and heart in check and inspire me to do my best You never even said a word, it's true But being around you makes me wanna be better and I hope you'll stick around forever Here you are, despite your demons Tearing you apart, but it doesn't even seem like it hurts you in any way I bet you got to get to know them when they sank their teeth in And you supported their choice to continue feeding while you let me know I'll be okay None of this would matter If you weren't always there Thanks for all the laughter Thanks for showing me you cared I promise you I'll be there Trying to do all that you do Cause I probably wouldn't be here If it were not for you

Looks like the sun's gone down What am I supposed to do now? I guess I'll just sit and wait for morning I watched the moon behind the clouds It was trying to speak, but no words came out And I think I may missed it give its warning But I don't need to hear it now Cause lately, it's all I ever think about And I can't seem to shake the pain I watch my daughter run around Smile on my face, 'til my brain screams out "Oh my god, my blood runs through her veins" Little one, there's something you should know I put some skeletons in closets some years ago But now it seems the doors have torn right from the hinges Your father's been struggling with who he is And your mother's been brave enough to put up with it But I've been trying my best to see if I can fix this And I'm so scared that you'll grow up To find the world I gave wasn't good enough And now all you've got are daddy's little demons But I'll try my best to earn your love And if all else fails then you can trust That at the end of it all, you won't feel defeated Like I did My child, you've been cursed By the blood that fuels your nerves But I'm living proof that it cannot define you Every second we spend on this earth Is spent trying not to get hurt And I'll never let those demons find you I've spent so long living in the dark And I've let myself get torn apart And I can't stand the thought of watching you do the same I've done so well playing the part Of a man with a healthy beating heart But I broke character and I'm the one to blame But I'll take a stand right now To make sure you have nothing to worry about The skeletons I keep are just here to remind me That I can keep moving and keep the evil behind me I'm gonna get better and stay that way So you won't have to question whether I'm okay You're my everything, you're the reason I'm breathing So I'm gonna stop moping and finally let the beat in I'm seeing everything in color Something I've never seen before One shade after another The tears don't block them anymore I wasn't even certain These feelings lived inside of me I've been focused on just hurting, Depression and anxiety And maybe some of these days will lead to bitter flashbacks Of crying on the floor, stuffing hope into a trash bag Giving up on everything, a depressing little sad sack But now I've learned to cope and I think I might be past that But I'm not gonna water this down, it's gonna be tough I'm just saying things don't bother me as much As they used to, I've shifted my focus On living my life, despite my diagnosis And maybe I can pass down this newfound rhythm To a future generation of anxiety ridden kids cause if I helped one out, then it'd be worth the Pain I felt, I found some bliss, but I think I want to earn some If you ever took a minute to hear me, I appreciate the thought sincerely It means the world to me And if you ever took a moment to steer me From the headlights that were closing in on me It means the world to me Now I think we've reached the end And I'm not sure if I'm ready yet Guess it's time we finally rip the bandage I'm not sure if I'll be back again Cause I don't know what the future holds yet But if I return, can I undo the damage A few years back, I fell in love with somebody We built a home, and have a daughter now Almost everything changed, in the best kind of way for me And now I'm thinking to myself... It's been a long time coming since my feet hit the ground and they've been running but my heads in the clouds I need this now The song I've been humming spreads it's melody around Stuck in your head, a decade of sounds I need to just breathe in and out, I swear I'll never let you down