This song was really just me asking "If I go through the effort of trying to heal myself emotionally, am I going to be happy with the outcome?". The "post-therapy" life I had imagined had a big question mark on it and so the "Hail Mary" that I reference in this song is my attempt at diving into a mindset that will hopefully make me feel better, without knowing if I'll come out victorious on the other side.
lyrics
I don't want to die but there are certain things inside of me
that keep me from what I could be, they're riddled with toxicity
And I don't want to lie, but these small things just make me hate myself,
I feel compelled to ask for help, cause my heads become a prison cell
And I need to kill the little parts of me
the make believe enemies
that convinced me there's no remedy
And I need to eliminate the negative thoughts that live deep within my brain that make me question if
Fighting is worth it
Am I really better off?
Trying to be perfect
While I'm covered up in flaws
So here we go a hail Mary for the ages
Will I survive the war I'm waging?
I'm not saying I'll be perfect every day
But if make it out alive, maybe I'll want to stay that way
I don't always cry, but there are certain days that I'm a mess
I'm depressed and I confess that I suppress the hopelessness
I'd throw these thoughts aside, but in my blood there is a sedative
that makes me hypersensitive and afraid to face my narrative
Cause I'm not a fan of the story yet,
Let me know when it stops being sad and it gets glorious
Cause I think I've got some better things to do
Like licking wounds, but what's the use, if I know I'm gonna lose?
Is trying even worth it?
Am I really better off?
How can I be certain
That I won't be written off?
So here we go a hail Mary for the ages
Will I survive the war I'm waging?
I'm not saying I'll be perfect every day
But if make it out alive, maybe I'll want to stay that way
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